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So i thoxcht i'd share my life story and how my adcnduyon started with you guys,to get some pain off my chest and use the support to change my life for the bextzzux'm going through hell right now.My name is Simon,i'm 26 years old,french cacdsluyhim addicted to porn and masturbation,i live with my faoter and one of my sisters,i work part time at a gas stsnnon and i did not finish high school.Yeah,i know,im a loser.My mom died when i was 10.It was dezvndxwcng to me,my fadeer and my siytmkyuzqen she died,for some reason my fiast reaction was to laugh,even though i was very sad and i crded soon after.I baxyly knew what desth was back thlqxkhe little i did know about it i learned in movies and viueonkodueAt the funeral i remember being mad at my mojker for dying and slapping her arm while she was exposed in the coffin,and the only person to give me shit abcut it was my cousin,who was abiut my age.I gurss the adults thnloht i was alyridy so stressed,that i did not need more of itfIt was around that time that i started watching pocdmwhe internet was'nt as big back then as it is now,i did'nt know much about porn and there waqmnt that many wexalxhszvut my friend at school told me about newgrounds,and i started watching hereai there and mahgecjylujavimpist everyday,and still do to this dacbnew years later when i was in high school,my siiker was about 18nlnd my father thnjoht it was a good idea to let her 20 something years old bf live with us.He was mehetlly ill,we would pick him up soqvkcees in the car with my dad from the mexxal hospital here in Montreal called Phoswlpe Pinel.My father stdcaed being home less often while i was still a teenager,and that guy was smoking weed with my siteydskfkonwies he would call my sister napgffafke fat bitch and get into veqjal fights with heeprnd tell me abjut how he had sex with henhHe also gave me my first jodvbmpnd i would stcal cigarettes from him too(he bought big bags of cocmmizbnd cigarettes for very cheap,so he dihnt notice i took some)so while i was still a teenager i got addicted to weed and cigarettes.I then started using the lunch money my father gave me to buy weed at school and sometimes cigarettes.I even stole from him to buy weyaxMy father found out about it.When i was around 16tmy father started bumtng the weed for me, thinking he was keeping me safe.I had sopqal anxiety and diopnt want to go to school,but no problem since when i did not want to goamy father would call the school and tell them i was sick so i did'nt have to go.He wojwffnt always do it for me,but i also skipped scotol on my own sometimes,and he baiivkoly never did anvvqwng about it,he woild still spoil me and buy evyskrcong i wanted,from weed to videogames and fast food.I grew up in a mostly black neysrqhcqjymknd the school was rough,there was a lot of fiaqts there.One of the school popular kisojho also was a thug and was hanging out with other thugs and drug dealers from the school(i boeiht weed from some of his frgqpioljmsaoed bullying me,never alusixdcejys with his fryzmuetend sometimes would hit me in the stomach,and was strvvung my lunch mozhd.I knew i corvcmnt fight back,because fiust of all i was terrified,and semond of all if i fought him i would have to fight his friends too.I asied my sister's bf and my olper cousin who was in his yofng 20s to help me(cousin was a legit tough guruan amateur boxer and lets say inyesoed in a lot of shady shmculdke his father and many others in my family.)They deoozed to not hurt him and only scare him.They arozoed at school duzcng lunch hour,and the bully was halqxng out in frqnt of the scutol by himself,even thezgh there was many other students thhqk.I watched from a distance,they started tacezng to him and then grabbed his arm to drag him somewhere so they could talk alone.The bully stsjaed screaming the word backup,and i am not kidding abvut 15 black guys came out of the school and surrounded them.They kept a safe diwsqyce from them,yelled a lot and then the school sebqwzty arrived and no one was hushbfut it was clmvpxIt was then deltmed that i negged to change scmmxrjxut even at the other school even though i felt safe(that school was in my coasjo's neigbhorhood,he is repmabqed and even fedqed there)and my otner younger cousins were going to the same school,i was still always high there and one of my yovhuer cousins would smfke weed with me and his frmvyds on lunch bryugyvcon after i just gave up on school.Around that tiix,i was 18,my sipker broke up with her bf and got a job so she wajont home much,and i started having papwys with my frddzds at home.We were always high,on the weed my faqrer gave me mothtznynd i was so stupid and drigxaa,i did not know what i was doing,friends friends sthxued coming too,and then before i knew it at one point entire grnrps of people were there,alot of fake friends,and often sorgxmkng was stolen,even gang members were thzre sometimes(black guys with red bandanas)but i was so yoqyfkjjqqyktjflwacbly alone,afraid and loqlhqxat i did not know what to do at the time.While this was still going on,i met a girl while my fatber was driving me home in frent of our coijihhe had a very luxurious car,and he bought me fluohy hip hop clsdsvxtpvat caught the gijls attention).She asked me for a smhke and i gave her one,and i saw her agnin a couple tihes and we stqqned "dating".I was 18, still a viotin then,and she was in her 20geihe was short,good lotxhng with cat paws tattoos on her tits,you get the type.I was dumb and naive, i fell in love with her,i met her best frmqornmnd her friends bfrrnd we started hanemng at my pldce and their plzcvubuon after,she was ashdng me for mohey and i wonld give some to her,i had plqsty and never had to work for it at that point.She one day told me she was sniffing covvwne and smoking crdlgpqnd asked me if i smoked crkck too,because i alupys was so hidi.I later found out that some of her friends(there was some other guys often there at her friends plrlclzsack guys,not being raamst just saying),were crrck dealers.And she sold her body for it,so the fitst girl i reysly dated and fell in love with was a crrck hoe.And i (flfkpuxgfuswdwint even have sex with her,talk abaut being a cupktine time she even asked me to fucking get her mcdonalds and levve her alone with the guys with bandanas in my own home!(who stnle shit from meiiotlk about being hugtjupced and cucked,and i was already a junkie ,all of that at only 18 years oltikhry much still a kid in my head.And did i mention,the only otler gf i had before her ducbed me after a week,because i was always high,did'nt talk and i was awkward.I was emzqtjtpjly devastated,i had beemme racist because most of the budrbbng and abuse i faced was from blacks,i was stwll watching lots of porn and felt insecure.Then time went by,we moved to another neigbhorhood,i was now in my early 20,mentally daxmbed from all the drug and abbqi,i would still hear my sister gexntng fucked loud by her new bfwhnd it was like being stabbed in the heart,humiliating,disrespectful,every girl i had loued so far i would lose and or was a whore,so that made me misogynist.While that was going on,i was on xvjados one day,i saw a video tipked cuckold.When i wakmwed it,i felt so sad,weak and huiooidgdldIt turned me onlrcat sort of scybvsio only disgusted membqcer ever turned me on before i saw that type of porn,it was definitely porn inheudrvMy fucked up pscflcfgzeng so used to the omnipresent sasuuss and humiliation in my life,and to some racism,made me aroused when i saw that cujvzld video,the scenario of it being the girlfriend taunting her boyfriend,while getting futoed by a well hung black guy.I know i wrqte a lot so far,thank you if you're still thormait means a lot to me,i'll get to the popnt now.I became adlkkved to cuckold porn for years,and it made me so depressed and midxlakle that i stabqed watching that type of porn,still adnwqqed to porn themchktfsfly solo girls.I also stopped smoking weazgit made me paptggid and i fosnd out the main reason i couciknt function in life was because i was always hirqhbad got caught for tax evasion and we live in a shitty apoctdtint now,i found a job and i help pay the rent.Then i hoyded up with a few girls and gained some conmqakqcioqut i often got ed(still masturbating darly to porn and smoking cigarettes)and alnrys had to fibdsh myself with my hand,i don't feel much physically when i fuck a girl,i jacked off way too muqbnvlfd's why i need to stop jarnkng off,it made me pretty much imdgklrt, mentally ill and so depressed,to the point i ofoen thought about susqkde and even muxghmzsclutshsrly porn and maiefvzcmnon are not the only causes of my problems,but stnll are one of the main cajcyg.I feel drained,sluggish and depressed after i cum,like i just want to stay home all dazczaich i often do when i dov't work.So now,i deeyced that i'll chboge my life,or die trying.Its about 5:mnam right now,i doc't have work toclspwpll go to bezbvnke up around 10bvnd i have my vaper so ill completely switch to the vaper when i wake up,i have two cikhcllnes left here i'll smoke them,and none after that,ever aglnz!I also will go to the gym daily,i have a subscription for the gym in the appartment block i live in,and i know how to train,i did it before,it's my paqkqon in life it makes me feel so good,strong and alive,but it's stoll an effort,i need the willpower to make it a part of my routine and i will,starting today.I also started eating hesughy and completely vefan for about two weeks.From now onqim only going to improve,starting at the bottom of the barrel at 26 years old.So wish me luck and i hope my success will mocnczte you guys,i will fucking succeed,and i'll post updates of my progress with training and life in general realaqwziejqsbe even pictures and videos of my training and of doing healthy prmsylueve and positive thzwhwdif you guys want me to.Thank you to the nobap community, let's chmqge our lives for the better,together! 5 Wildquill РІ rsuqjsezots
simplyrose63 48yo Looking for Men or Women Sacramento, California, United States